How to Write Utterly Original AU HP FanFics
by Mysterious Prophetess
Summary: Crack fic! Congratulations on ordering your AU Harry Potter Kit! Included are your instructions and your optional customized characters that are Outrageously Originally Characterized, for example your Manipulative Dumbledore TM . R&R please.


**DISCLAIMER**: If I owned HP would I really be in debt up to my eyeballs? Well I don't.

**MP:** Humor fic ideas are usually the end result of me getting kicked by a plot bunny.

So I was in the shower when an idea hit and now here it is written down for all to enjoy. It has to do with the habit of AU HP fics featuring the same-old same-old to the point where I've decided to attempt a parody. If this flops, oh well, but once I get this out of my head I can get back to work on Bolt Out of the Blue and my NaNoWriMo project (who am I kidding? It's the 23 and I haven't gotten past 12000 words and despite the fact I can type over 60 words a minute It'll take some serious inspiration to get me to 50000 in six days.)

I'd better put this here now: Completely and totally Cracked! Read at your own risk.

_Added 11/23/11:_ Thanks to HAH, the reviewer who caught the misspelling in 'missed'

_How to Write Utterly Original AU Harry Potter FanFiction_

**Care and Maintenance for your Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit ****TM**

Congratulations! You've just received your very own Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit TM. Included are these components:

_Manipulative Dumbledore __TM_

_Spyin' Ron __TM_

_Snitching Hermione __TM_

_Extra-Sadistic Vernon __TM_

_Town Bicycle Ginny __TM_

_Slashy Draco __TM_

_Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry __TM_

And an extra heaping helping of _**O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder__TM_

Also included is a free complimentary _**Cl**__assically __**I**__roni__**c**__**Hé**__artwarming Plot device book_.

To use just have _Manipulative Dumbledore __TM_ and _Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry__ TM_ have an argument, this could even be taken from our complimentary _**Cl**assically **I**roni**cHé**artwarming Plot device book_ which has him discover what _Spyin' Ron __TM_ and _Snitching Hermione __TM_ have really been doing behind his back. Throw in _Extra-Sadistic Vernon __TM_before adding liberal amounts of _**O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder __TM_ over everything before throwing _Town Bicycle Ginny __TM_and _Slashy Draco __TM_ into the mix and shake well before adding even more _**O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder__TM_ and taking all your cues from our complimentary_** Cl**__assically __**I**__roni__**c**__**Hé**__artwarming Plot device book_.

Succeed in doing that and you'll end up with a truly original fanfic which may or may not include:

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM_ defecting to Slytherin/Lord Voldemort_

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM_ becoming an Animagus_

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM_ going to Azkaban_

_or being threatened to be sent to Azkaban by _Manipulative Dumbledore TM _in the headmaster's quest for power_

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM_ ending up with a female character he had no attraction to in the books what so ever_

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM_ ending up with a male character, such as _Slashy Draco TM_, due to the _**O**utrageous **O**riginal **C**haracterization Powder TM 's _full effects._

Extra-Sadistic Vernon TM_ beating Harry to a pulp for a minor slight_

Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry TM _ends up in a lemon with _Town Bicycle Ginny TM_ also due to the correct application of_** O**utrageous **O**riginal **C**haracterization Powder TM

_And, if you're lucky some BLOODSHED and Time Travel _.

If your fic has any of the above you have used your Alternate Universe Harry Potter Kit correctly.

Q&A

Q: My _Manipulative Dumbledore __TM_is sympathetic towards my _Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry __TM_ what do I do?

A: The request for more _**O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder __TM_ can be placed using our convenient website

Q: My _Slashy Draco __TM_ still isn't out of the closet

A: That means you didn't add enough _**O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder __TM_ for the product to function properly

Q: How can I get my _Town Bicycle Ginny __TM_ into a threesome with _Super-Deluxe Angsty Harry __TM_ and _Slashy Draco __TM_?

A: Liberal application of_** O**__utrageous __**O**__riginal __**C**__haracterization Powder __TM _will be necessary. Discounts on bulk orders when applicable.

* * *

><p>Q: How cracked is your mind to come up with this crap?<p>

A: I honestly don't know

**MP**: I will not be the first or last to write a piece like this. If I've pissed off people then sorry. I was attempting to be humorous.

The way I wrote it was inspired by those 'Care of…' fics that float around here that I do enjoy, when they are written well.

Now it's out of my head and I can try getting back to work on my larger projects…I hope.

**WARNING**: I proofread this myself, meaning there are bound to be mistakes I have missed


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